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Want To Be A Better Marriage Candidate?

By on February 21, 2014

It is often said that a good man or good woman is hard to find. How many of us truly want this? Where do we find these elusive soul mates? Better yet, if you were to find them, would you be able to maintain a long lasting relationship with them?

Do your morals, ethics, and values parallel the qualities of this person? Is he or she actively learning and growing? Are you?

We are all looking for that perfect person, but where are you looking?

My friends…

The answer is simple. Before looking outwards to find this person, you must start by looking from within yourself. You see, we are constantly searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right, but we must also look at ourselves. What makes you deserve this person? What makes you a worthy candidate?

In this life we do not attract what we want, but what we are.

What does this mean?

To figure out who you are, ask yourself the following questions: What have you done today? Yesterday? What do you look forward to accomplishing emotionally and professionally in the future? What qualities do you admire about yourself that will potentially attract your wife or husband or partner?

Are you gossiping or speaking lashon hara? Think about it, would you want to attract someone who maintains the same type of behavior?

We are all looking for the ideal candidate, but are you an ideal candidate?

Licenses and credentials are handed out for virtually every goal and profession out there. Everyone in almost every field is required to prove their expertise. But for the bigger areas in life, the ones that matter the most and determine our ultimate state of happiness, there is no licensing—-no way for us to measure what we know. No degrees in self-esteem, no credentials for resilience, and no schools for relationships.

So how can we build and thrive in our relationships without any direction?

I invite you to start becoming mindful of your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Become aware of everything around you, and work hard. Work hard towards growing emotionally, intellectually, spiritually. Don’t be afraid to consult those around you who know how to deal with life’s trials and tests. We are not omniscient. It is okay not to know how to cope with the situations we face on a daily or even weekly basis.

Dr. Nathaniel Branden, one of America’s leading experts in self esteem, writes “A concern with morality or ethics arises naturally, in the early stages of our development… inherent in our existence in humanity is the question: what kind of being should I seek to become? By what principles should I guide my life? What values are worth pursuing?”

Many of us have not delved deep into these questions, or thought about them comprehensively. But when we do, we will find it much easier to identify what we are looking for in others, as well as in ourselves.


About Rodney Rabbani

Rodney Rabbani, MFT Intern and Group Counselor, specializing in addiction, practices in the greater Los Angeles area.

Rodney looks forward to assisting clients who want to improve themselves through life-coaching, a byproduct of which will include a greater chance of attracting and maintaining healthy relationships. To contact him, e-mail