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Alcohol and Drugs: The Truth Revealed

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The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration recently estimated that about 21.6 million Americans are diagnosed with an alcohol or drug use disorder.  This means that at minimum, about this many people in the country regularly use alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, heroin, methamphetamines, pain pills, or other drugs despite the fact that doing so brings them harm.  This harm may include deteriorating health, strained relationships with family and friends, poor performance at school, work, and home, legal issues, and lost opportunities.

At first glance, it’s easy to think that the primary problems here are the alcohol and drugs. After all, as a society we are used to saying phrases like, “he has a drinking problem,” “she has a drug problem,” and “they need to do something about their drug habits.” Organized bodies, committees, and institutions tend to reinforce this mentality as well when they identify someone as having a “substance use disorder,” suggesting that the main issue is the substance.  These factors as well as others seem to play a critical role in shaping how we view alcohol and drugs as a people – namely, they lend us to believe that alcohol and drugs are the problems.

However, alcohol and drugs are not really the problems.  Rather, they are attempted-solutions to problems.  When we talk about people struggling with alcohol or drugs, we are generally referring to people who persistently turn to substances to try to eliminate their troubles.  People who routinely drink alcohol and use drugs are using these substances to self-medicate, to numb themselves, to run away from overwhelming pain.  The substances are “quick patches” aimed at immediate, short-term relief – relief from some kind of traumatic experience, emotional anguish, or other stressful trigger, which the person doesn’t know how to otherwise handle.  As such, he or she takes these substances with the intention of reaching a “high,” a surge of intense, yet temporary, euphoria and elation that is meant to distract them from what is really hurting them inside.

Contrary to popular belief, people who are addicted to alcohol and drugs are indeed very soft, sensitive individuals.  While some of their behaviors might be damaging, destructive, and hurtful, the truth is they are not acting in these ways because they are bad people, but because they don’t know how else to deal with their pain.  Deep down, they feel hopeless, helpless, and broken.  They are crying for help. Their reliance on alcohol and drugs is driven by their desperation to “forget” or mask feelings that are too frightening for them to face. They are relying on these foreign substances to soothe their pain, comfort their hurt, and make themselves feel better when nothing else seems to be helping.  The alcohol and drugs are used to give them a sense of control over that which feels so direly out of their control.

People who struggle with alcohol and drugs tend to become dependent on these substances because the thought of dealing with uncomfortable emotions feels too unbearable, overwhelming, and insurmountable. While they might take these substances to mentally or emotionally leave, the reality is that the pain, the hurt, and the fear are all still there, yearning to be attended to.

Any successful alcohol or drug addiction treatment regimen must include an open, honest, and truthful look into the root causes of the addiction.  In particular, it’s important to pay special attention to why the person turned to this behavior in the first place, and why he or she continues to engage in it.   Once this is clarified, it’s key that the person be offered customized tools that will help him or her successfully cope with triggers in healthier, more effective ways.  While the road of addiction recovery is not necessarily an easy one, the truth is that with the proper drive, motivation, persistence, and help, it’s definitely possible. People who successfully recover from alcohol and drug addictions are arguably very special people.  By virtue of what they have gone through, they are probably some of the most clever, thoughtful, and insightful people in our society today.  There’s something special to be said about people who have spent a significant amount of time continuously going in-and-out of reality, who have decided to stop running away and finally look inside at their truth, and live more in-line with it.

They are truly worldly.

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Dr. Raymond Nourmand is a Licensed Psychologist and Psychology Lecturer, specializing in treating children, teenagers, and adults with a wide range of mental health issues. For more information, please visit, www.raymondnourmand.com

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New Initiative Launched to Restore Memories and a Legacy

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On Tuesday January 30th, Thirty Years After (30 YA) hosted the Legacy Launch, one of their largest, most innovative and interactive projects to date, at the Ahyra Fine Arts Theater in Beverly Hills.

Sam Yebri, President of Thirty Years After, explains the Legacy Project, “The Project is a grassroots initiative that will help preserve and honor the Iranian  Jewish experience through video for future generations,  and provide an opportunity for every family to capture their parents’  and grandparents’ most compelling memories and anecdotes before it is  too late.”

Doors opened to guest at 7:00 pm where they were greeted with smiles from 30 YA volunteers and staff members. The lobby was packed with guests who were treated to wonderful Iranian street food not often seen or eaten in the United States. The delicious cuisine included Labu (beets baked in their own juice, and typically served steaming hot in a street cart during the dead of winter), Baghali (beans topped with spices, typically served the same way as Labu), Dizi (a meat mash/stew– usually made with lamb, but made with beef and chickpeas at our event), Shohleh Zard (saffron rice pudding), Chos-e-fil (otherwise known as popcorn) and Mahi-Cheh Polo (herbed rice with beef shanks).

The large number of attendees was a testament to the genuine and unprecedented support for the new generation of leaders of the Los Angeles Iranian-American Jewish community.  The printed program for the event listed over 25 generous families and businesses that supported the Legacy Launch and congratulated 30 YA on celebrating their 10 year anniversary.

This event was magical because of the broad range of emotions experienced just by being shoulder to shoulder with grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins born in Tehran. Sadness is one emotion that could have been felt while standing in the room, because of all of the untold stories that were not recorded, told or heard. How many stories have we “missed out” on because family members have passed away, younger generations have gone off to college, or simply because we took time for granted? At the Legacy Launch, time stood still for a few hours for the sake of a community recording the past, but very aware of time, embracing beloved memories on video, but also progressively moving toward the future.

Yebri explained, “Our history informs our present and powers our future. This is especially true when our families and community have such a rich legacy of inspiring memories and experiences in Iran and during our exodus to America.  30 Years After  is thrilled to launch ‘The Legacy Project’ as part of the organization’s 10th anniversary celebration.”

Bobby Zolekhian, former President of Nessah Young Professionals expressed, “It was one of the most inspirational events I have been to. I am recruiting people to share their stories. This is something extraordinary!”

Featured guest speakers during the screening included Mrs. Susan Azizzadeh, President of the Iranian American Jewish Federation, Dr. Saba Soomekh, Assistant Director of Interreligious and Intercommunity Affairs at AJC, Megan Nemandoust, Margalit Rosenthal, Liora Simozar and 30 YA President, Sam Yebri.

The dynamic presentation of the screening and its intimate interviews clearly validated that the second and third generations of Iranian Jews growing up in the United States are confidently embracing their unspoken responsibility to record the stories of generations before them for a purpose with a greater cause– maintaining their identity, culture, and traditions.

Learn more about preserving your legacy with 30 YA at https://legacy.30yearsafter.org/

 

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The Honorable Mensch’n: Shanel Melamed

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A true essence of Persian grace and humility, this issue’s honorable mensch is Shanel Melamed, Executive Director of the nonprofit organization, 30 Years After. When she’s not bridging the gap between subdivisions of our own community, Melamed travels and trains in Capoeira (a Brazilian martial art) but always makes sure she is home in time for Kabob dinner with her grandparents on Thursday nights.

30 Years After promotes the participation and leadership of Iranian American Jews in American political, civic and Jewish life. In the last decade, they have become the doorway for anyone who wishes to reach out and build a relationship with Persian Jews, from political candidates, to universities or other nonprofit organizations. While the nonprofit often organizes socio-educational events for the community, its flagship program is their six-month long “Maher Fellowship”, which trains young Persian Jewish professionals in developing leadership skills and educates them on their cultural history and Jewish Los Angeles today. Shanel explains that the fellowship’s mission mirrors the Jewish concept of L’dor Vador, instilling a sense of pride upon first generation Iranian American Jews and subsequently creating a ripple effect on the rest of the community. Melamed intends for graduates of the fellowship to embrace their heritage, and as they enter their first stages of their professions and parenthood, feel entitled to pass on their legacy for generations to come. Shanel believes that,

“People of our generation should be knowledgeable and capable of cross-coding, of how to be American in the Persian Jewish world and how to be Persian Jewish in the American world. There’s no need to be only one of the three…it takes education on identity, culture, and history and our work doesn’t always have short-term return on investment. We’re in it for the long run, but that’s the spirit of what we do. My hope is that as our generation starts having kids, and as they educate them at home, it’ll be very similar to how we grew up- in terms of traditions and values, but maybe with an American mentality.”

Shanel works to make sure that the organization is “educating, empowering and connecting a community of like-minded people that can then be multipliers within their contemporaries of embodying what it means to be all three and how to leverage every aspect of that identity.” She advocates that Iranian American Jews cherish their roots as they serve well in the United States.

In the effort to maintain Jewish values in a modernized world, Melamed believes in letting go of certain outdated mentalities; such as not speaking about the things that plague us or seek guidance and support without fear of backlash from the community, deeming us as “unmarriageable” or tarnishing our family name. The Persian Jewish community is not immune to adversities of the human experience. Shanel explains, “It takes time for the community to evolve. It took the Jews 40 years in the desert. Our generation is in a very tough situation, but we need to embody the changes that we want to see. Since Jewish America has been on the decline for a variety of reasons and Persian Jews arrived here only about 40 years ago, we have a lot to give.” She hopes that the organization impacts the Persian Jewish community to eventually feel empowered enough to “open doors within existing institutions to allow those institutions to welcome our voice as well.” Shanel often noticed that Jewish events in Los Angeles are not very inclusive of Persian Jews, despite their large presence. She explains, “We need to be embraced…not to be forced to change in order to feel comfortable somewhere…it is very uncomfortable to go to a Jewish event and words are being thrown around in Yiddish, and you have to ask what they mean. You don’t feel like you fit in.” Melamed finds it unfortunate that Persian Jews have been underserved for so long and that consequently the greater Jewish community has not been able to benefit from the wealth of Jewish connection and “fierce Zionism” that Persian Jews have to offer. This is where her work with 30 Years After comes in, to “teach young Jews what the Jewish landscape is and how they fit in.”

On the topic of Saturday morning synagogue congregations dwindling, Shanel emphasizes the significance of keeping Friday nights holy: “Because the home has been the epicenter of Persian Jewry, I think we keep the community alive through Shabbat dinners.” Melamed reflects on a quote by Ahad Ha’Am, “‘More than the Jews have kept Shabbat, Shabbat has kept the Jews.’ Persian Jews are the epitome of what that means in a modern society, and I couldn’t be more proud to be a part of that story.”

 

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The Flawed Stereotype of Lawyers May Cause a Law School Epidemic

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THE FLAWED STEREOTYPE

We’ve all seen it: the pounding on the desk, the shouting across the courtroom.

Nearly every legal drama in the past half-century has perpetrated the same cutthroat stereotype of lawyers.

This made me, a prospective law school student, worried about my future.  When I told people I wanted to be a lawyer, they’d cringe.

“You would be miserable as a lawyer!” they’d say.  Others asked, “Did your parents brainwash you into it?”

And frankly, for a short time, I began to worry that they were right.  Was I about to take a turn into the dark side?

My story is not unique.  Aspiring law students across America face a similar struggle—just because they aren’t loud and combative they have been discouraged from going to law school.  It’s as if the soft-spoken, empathic types don’t have the chops to be lawyers.

But then, thankfully, my view changed.  I met Daria Roithmayr, a professor of law at USC who told me something that I’ll never forget:

“Great lawyers come from all different backgrounds,” she said.  “You can be a successful lawyer regardless of whether you are soft spoken or flamboyant.”

Professor Roithmayr explained that the empathic lawyer could have an edge over the others.  She used the example of a character on the TV series, True Detective, who uses his ability to empathize with the suspect to break down his barriers and eventually get him to confess to the crime.  This character uses empathy as his “superpower.”

THE EPIDEMIC

Now, sadly, many law school hopefuls haven’t heard Professor Roithmayr’s rebuttal.  It’s fair to assume that most college students still think you need to be the outspoken, aggressive type to succeed as an attorney.

Remember, we are the millennial generation.  The TV set had a hand in raising most of us.  We’ve seen shows like Suits and The Practice, along with movies like A Few Good Men.  The impressions they’ve had on us cannot be downplayed.

This may seem like a non-issue at first glance.  But in ten or twenty years from now, what will happen if all the soft-spoken, empathic potential lawyers are dissuaded from applying to law school because they don’t fit the perpetuated archetype?

Our whole legal system may lose out on the type of attorneys our society needs the most.

Being soft-spoken is not a liability, but could be an asset.  Those who are soft-spoken or empathic get their point across by speaking thoughtfully instead of speaking loudly.  A soft-spoken lawyer will observe, ask questions, and listen in order to advance their negotiation tactics.

A lawyer needs to be mindful and intuitive to understand the depths of our laws and the opponent’s perspective.

The stereotypical lawyer may thrive in courthouse dramas, but that’s not the only way to succeed in real life.

Imagine a lawyer who intuitively feels what the jury needs to hear.  Now imagine the lawyer who can look at the case from his opponent’s perspective.  This lawyer analyzes and develops his case in a language that persuades his opponent.

In a world of fist-pounding attorneys, the empathic lawyer has a secret weapon.  Emotional intelligence isn’t only for psychologists.

There was a time when women were not believed to make good lawyers.  That was proven wrong. It’s now time for the introverts to take center stage.

Lawyers and law schools alike will benefit by educating the public about the multiple faces of the legal profession.

It takes a certain analytical skill to be a good lawyer, but in the end, it takes all kinds to make a profession.  So don’t succumb to the naysayers.  You don’t have to be a bulldog to be a good attorney—your work ethic and passion determine your success.

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february, 2018

25feb5:00 PM10:46 PMWestern Region Purim Carnival and Monte Carlo Night5:00 PM - 10:46 PM Event Organized By: American Committee for Shaare Zedek Medical Center in Jerusalem

25feb7:00 PM10:15 PMA Story of Triumph7:00 PM - 10:15 PM Event Organized By: Jewish Community Center - Chabad of Downtown LA

26feb7:30 PM10:00 PMDATE NIGHT! Part 2: Preparing for the Turbulent Teenage YearsSpeaker: Rabbi Shlomo Goldberg7:30 PM - 10:00 PM Event Organized By: Bayit.LA

27feb6:30 PM8:30 PMADL's Asian Jewish Initiative - Faces of America6:30 PM - 8:30 PM Event Organized By: ADL's Asian Jewish Initiative

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